Sunday, August 15, 2010

Inspirational Ingredients

I am learning to use any and everything as inspiration. All ingredients, whether sweet or sour can be used in a way that create something amazing. Just have to be creative and motivated. Continue to strive for happiness. Always.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Love in My Mind

Lost in my dreams I met a man.
I fell in complete love with him.
We spent the whole night together.
But I realized when I woke up, He wasn't there.
I created him deep in my mind
Only to find him when I slept.
It seems to be that I can only see him in my dreams
But I wish to meet him in reality.
Too bad he doesn't exist.
Is it possible to be in love with someone who does not exist?
I will attempt this relationship with my subconscious love
Late at night as I sleep, He will be there.
Living Love Through My Dreams...

Sunday, June 20, 2010

To the Thinker, From the Scattered Mind


Dear Thinker,
I have decided to write this before my now fresh thoughts go stale and get buried deep under piles of rubbish and confusion. I am trying this new approach to writing now. I am just going for it, I will just write. With that being said, let me begin. We are much alike. Thought consumes our minds, like a thousand and one pacmen munching on whatever open space there is left in our brains. There is a full range of thought spanning from the extremely important to the not-so important. But I tend to often forget the important stuff and dwell on the not-so's. Everything gets scattered... I can almost see the trillions of words bouncing rapidly around in your mind when I look into your eyes. Or perhaps I could be catching a reflection of my own mind through your eyes. Now I will sit and do what we do best, about you. Well at least until we speak again.

Until next time,
A Scattered Mind

Ceasing Structure

I wish I could record my thoughts with a tape recorder. As I think them, they instantly travel from my mind into a device that can capture all of the things that dance around in my mind. It is just too difficult for some odd reason for me to write them as I think. This is because as I think them, before I can write them down, I have to analyze the thoughts first and then put them in some 'proper' order. I have to rearrange the thoughts into functional sentences with correct grammar. The thoughts must make sense to the world. Not sure why I need to translate my brain into what is understood by the world. I might want to be heard. Understood. I want to stop rearranging. Stop putting things in order. Whatever comes out, comes out. I can't care about the world. I'll let them do the work and figure me out. I guess that's the fun of it all right?

Thursday, June 17, 2010



Sigh for [dis]Satisfaction.


I am still not satisfied. But this shall do for now. Cursed with a fatal case of indecisiveness, I seem to be struggling with this blog background. I have been looking for days and days. I am not as morbid as one would think, I just prefer a black background. When I close my eyes, there is darkness. There, I am inside my mind. As I am now, here. Blue is great, Red is fabulous, Yellow is amazing, Green is spectacular...but I crave dark! Who knows. We shall see. But I won't be satisfied until I feel it is perfect.
Anyways....I need to shoot more. No recent pictures of anything really. Need some visuals soon. Very soon indeed.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

10 lists of Ten


As much as I hate numbers, I love counting. I guess it comes from being a musician. But I don't know sometimes. I count up from one...I count down from ten. Everything gets counted. Seems like it is one of the only ways to inject order into my chaotic world. Counting...yes! I love lists. I should write a dozen lists. Random lists. 50 random lists. I could make lists out of lists and count them down from 50. Yes! Okay let's start with ten. Less ambitious. 10. Ten lists of Ten. Coming Soon....

To The Best Person Ever


Dear Best Person Ever,

I have also made a list of my thoughts to you. Please read the following:

1. Thank you for reading.
2. You are awesomelyamazinglyterrificlyGreat.
3. When will you begin your writing? [officially]
4. Facebook Statuses don't count :/
5. You sooo understand me, thank you.
6. You'd make a great writer, you are because you are a great thinker.
7. Writing begins as thoughts. You need thought to write.
8. People say I think too much....by what measurement are they using to make this conclusion?
9. Someone please direct me to the thought measurement scale.
10. Do I talk too much?
11. Yea...
12. Oh well....
13. Start writing please...and put up some of your other work.
14. ;)

Love,

Aziza

Monday, June 7, 2010

Wish List

I will put these things out into the universe. Hopefully they will come to me or I stumble upon them.

1.Tape Recorder: To record all of the thoughts that disease my mind.

I need them out and writing sometimes takes too much time.

2. New Jeans: Just too many holes, splits and rips. I need a pair that fits.


3. Time: Who am I kidding, I won't find time even if I sat and waited for it.


4. Bowtie: They're just cool. I don't know why.


5. Hiding Place: For when I need to be away....like today.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Dear Wanda,

Thank you
The small thing you did for me today means so much.
I dont know you, but it was nice to meet you.
I may not ever see you again, but thank you.
You've made a small but deep impact on my life and situation today.
You don't know how much that meant to me. Thank you.
Let me pass on your kindness. Good luck to you and your mother.
From what you've told me, she's not doing to well.
We share something in common but different.
Mine will continue to gain strength, but I am deeply sorry for you.
The smallest things count the most sometimes.
And you've really helped me.
Not everything can be measured by a dollar.
I appreciate you silent understanding.

Forever grateful,
Aziza

Cousin Eddie

I miss you. I didn't come to see you before you left because I wanted to keep my memory of you close. You were lively and energetic. A wonderful person. A happy person. Always smiling. Thank you for being in my life. I love you always.

R.I.P. Cousin Eddie

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

My date with P. Noir

Hints of blackberry. Strong but subtle after time. Dark and smooth. I can feel it as it goes down. Leaving me feeling oh so good.

Walking across the street with a friend.



Pictures of the beautiful Bowling Green




Pics I took a while back...well except the ones with me in them (yellow)





My friend and aspiring model Janelle

Sunday, May 30, 2010

I'm Ready

I am FEELIN' it.
The time has come and it is so close I can smell it.
Opportunities are for those who seek them.
Open your eyes and find what you have been looking for,
I can assure you it is right there staring you in the face.
It was staring me in mine.
I've been building up the passion
now I've FINALLY got the time.
It is mine all mine!
And I love it.
The world of creative souls surround me.
I will watch, learn, teach, and reach for the top.
I can't wait.
My time is here. No time to fear.
I'm ready...so let's begin.

Monday, May 24, 2010

My High

I feel a high after I do certain things.
I have learned to rely on myself as a source of happiness.
So grateful.
I thank you...
You as in:
Every person who has made me mad.
Every person who has made me feel anxious.
Every person who has made me feel guilty.
Every person who has made me feel ashamed.
Every person who has made me feel sad.
I thank myself for overcoming these feelings and choosing happiness overall.
Note to self-Find the beauty in all things and draw from only positive energy.
Do not become defeated...yourself is relying on it.


Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Closer

I feel closer than ever to what I have been waiting for. A time where creativity, thought, inspiration and self-expression are changing from scattered phases to a consistent part of my existence. Over time, one does not notice the change within oneself, it just sort of happens. You then sit back and reflect and become aware of the aspects that have stayed the same, the ones that have grown stronger, the ones that have changed. At this point in my life, I can feel the changes as they occur, intrinsically speaking of course. I can feel a glowing pulse of energy right in the center of my core. It makes me happy. It spreads to my arms, through my hands and to my fingertips. It spreads to my legs, through my feet and to my toes. This warm, glowing feeling of life, of my self. I am in harmony, at times, with the Earth around me. I become linked with the surrounding energies, letting life flow right through me. Recharging me like a battery. Replenshing me as if I were a plant rooted in the earth. Feelings transform into thoughts as it reaches my mind. I am left with its purest essence. Something similar to the purest single drop of oil that comes from a few dozen roses. Like oil from a rose, I free my emotions. Letting them live through sound, words, paper, colors, images, textures, aromas, anything aesthetic in a sense. I find myself falling deeply in love with this feeling. A feeling I must cultivate. I can't wait.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Waiting

I feel something great is coming. I am not so sure of what it is yet, but I can't wait. There is something out there that is calling me, I just don't know where to look. I sit and listen to Coltrane's My Favorite Things and fall in love with the music over and over again. There is one particular version that I just adore. It makes me want to daydream about a life I want to have. What is stopping me? I bet Coltrane has all the answers. I know he does. So I'll just keep on listening until he shows me want I need to see. Whatever it is, I think I'm ready.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Universal Symbols





Egypts sacred eye symbol...called utchat. The eye is the symbol of spiritual ability because it is the part of the body that is able to recognize light. The left eye symbolizes the moon. It is called the Eye of Thoth. The right eye is symbolic of the sun which is called the Eye of Ra. The right eye, Ra, is controlled by the left side of the brain. Therefore, it deals with factual information. It represents things of a more concrete nature...words, numbers etc. The left eye, Thoth, is controlled by the right side of the brain. Feelings, thoughts and intuition are controlled by this side; seeing things aesthetically and abstractly. Usually it is believed that male conceptualization revolves around the sun as female revolves around the moon. Many theories and ideas, from culture to culture use these same principles. Right versus left, male versus female, fact versus intuition, logic versus emotion, the universe must be balanced.

Nutrition Necessary



So I have decided to start paying attention to my health a bit more. Well, more specifically my nutritional health. With the help of my best friend, I am learning what I should and should not be eating. I have just been feeling so crappy lately, no energy, dizzy...the works. And I am starting to believe it is because I just have not been eating that much. Also, I have been missing out on a lot of sleep. That combination is just no good, especially for a person like me. Naturally, my body just burns tons and tons of calories a day and I haven't been having much to replace them with. Of course I could try and blame it indirectly to just being flat out broke, but I think it stems a little bit deeper than that. I need to get educated and equipped with nutritional knowledge so that I can live a more healthy and energized day to day life. I am going to be trying new things and figuring out what works, and what doesn't work. I am thinking about creating a separate blog for this possibly, not sure yet. But if I do, it would be designed only for the purposes of figuring out how to get healthy! Hmm maybe I should. I think I might. I don't know. It's hard enough managing this one (okay no its not). But still, we shall see. We shall see....

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Smelling to Sickness

Sometimes I want to write, but I have nothing to say. So I just write what comes to mind at the time. Recording each thought that pops up in my head. I'm sitting, becoming more and more overwhelmed by someones excruciatingly heavy perfume. It is making me sick. I wonder if they know how counterproductive it was for them to apply that much perfume this morning. You try and smell good but you become horrible smelling in the process. Could it be over-compensation? Spare me and my nasal passages next time. I have to leave, I'm getting sick.

Till next time,
Z

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Shadow People

There are shadows everywhere. Shadows that follow people around every step that they take. Darkness within light. People have shadows. If there are ghosts, spirits....whatever one would call them...they might have shadows too. If one is in complete darkness, then it is because of all of the spirits surrounding them, their shadows swallow light. One complete darkness at night. But not to worry, they will not get you. For if they move, then there is an ounce of light.

White

Such a creation
Not just one, but an entire combination
Of all colors in the spectrum of light
One complete civilization
With an undivided right.

A white light.
What does that mean to thee?
As I come to the end of my life,
It's there to guide me
I begin my journey as a soul that's free.

No future

So I just heard that the future of our world depends on math, science and technology. So I guess I have no place in the future then....Anyone know of any good buildings to jump off of?

Second Life Risks

Whatever you want to do, just go and do it. Don't wait around for your second life, re-incarnation is cool but it may be a little risky. You might have had plans to be a pilot in your next life because you can't seem to get up and do it now, but you might be a re-incarnated into a snail or a blade of grass. And that's just not cool.

Monday, March 22, 2010

I dread. I dread. I dread.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

French Toast!

Mother and daughter conversing in bathroom of a restaurant.

Mother

Hey Cathy, I want to go to the grocery store when we leave here.
Daughter
Yea mom, you told me earlier that you wanted to go. Do you know what you wanted to get?
Mother
Yea I wanted to make some french toast, but Im not sure how to tell you what the ingredients are. I know what they are in my head, but I just can't say them.
Daughter
Well how about you just start listing one of the ingredients and the rest will follow.
Mother
Oh, okay. Well then coffee cake.
Daughter
Coffee cake? Are you sure mom? You said that you wanted to make french toast.
Mother
I know, coffee cake is what I want to use for the french toast. The other day, I was at a bakery, and I was speaking to a woman who told me that she uses coffee cake instead of regular bread. Doesn't that just sound scrumptious?
Daughter
You know what mom, that does sound really really good. We will definitely have to go pick up some coffee cake, and french toast we will have for breakfast tomorrow morning!

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Friday, March 19, 2010

Sweet Babies

A mother I'll be
Children....
I'll have three
Ginger and Colby and lovely Nori.

They'll be my sweet babies
I'll nurture them so
They'll come to be strong
And tall they will grow

I'll watch them get bigger
More seasoned with age
But I'll still need some pepper
And salt maybe sage

Then after their bath
So spotless and clean
I'll then set the table
An ending unseen

My sweet precious babies
I could just eat them up
And that's what I did
With one big fat gulp.




Mental Supremacy

I have an obsession. It rules over my entire life. It gives me no choice. It never ends, always beginning over and over again. My obsession is compulsive, but it's no disorder. In my world, it's perfectly normal. Every day, I wake up letting my obsession take over me until I fall into a land of dreams. I am it's victim. I am it's prisoner, forever it rules me without a chance of escape. I am locked away in its deep dark and dangerous dungeons. Although I cannot escape, I do not want to. I am content here. It rules because I allow it to. Mental Supremacy. My thoughts preside, continuously controlling. Multiplying rapidly like a virus. They cannot be contained. They cannot be stopped or sedated. I keep thinking about the same thing over and over and over repeatedly. One single thought doubling and then doubling again. I live to think. It never ends. Thoughts and thoughts all over again.

Voilets Are Blue

or purple....

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Pied Piper's Plot Planning

It is time for me to choose a plot for my story, I must begin this fictional journey. I have a new strategy. Usually, I am a thinker. No an overthinker. I think and nothing ever gets done. If things do not seem perfect, then I just won't put any energy into it. I just need to start and ideas will follow. It kind of reminds me of the Pied Piper. Now I know this tale is of tragic proportions but a thought comes to mind. I am the Piper (in pied: some colorful clothes). But instead of playing beautiful music to lure all of the children out of the city to their death (I know it's horrible), I will march the less traveled roads in my mind, playing sweet music to lure all of the thoughts and ideas out of their hiding areas. They will begin to follow me one by one, each idea coming to me as I continue. I must begin to walk and they will come. I just don't want to kill them off in the end. It is settled, I shall try this and hope for the best. Let the writing [and music] begin....

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Dear Anger

Dear Anger,

What do you want from me? Why have you come? It's been a long time since your last visit. I was doing pretty well with you away. I guess you have decided to come and stay with me for a while. I just can't seem to get rid of you. Fine. You can stay, but only for a little. You seem to have your way regardless of what I want anyway. I don't have to tell you to make yourself at home. You burrow your way deep down inside my gut, and you sit there. Heavy as an anchor, dragging me down every step I take. You are so cold. You stay alive by burning a fire to stay warm. Your fire burns and blazes inside of me. Making me want to scream out with rage. But not today. You will not control me. I will stifle your fire and suffocate your air supply. I will kill you dead. Your reincarnation will haunt me seeking revenge. I'll await our next meeting.

Forever yours,
Aziza

Meditate


I try to meditate. Goal: To rid myself of anxiety and painful repetitive thoughts. I sit, close my eyes, clear my mind, and listen to all of the sounds that surround me. I hear the birds chirping outside my window. Birds chirping and a clear mind....One two three four five six....one two three four five six....one two three four five six...What kind of bird is this? It chirps six times in a row and then there's a silence that lasts about the length of three chirps. What does six chirps mean to this kind of bird? If Bird A chirps six times and Bird B chirps six times, are they saying the same thing? Or, if Bird A chirps six times, does that mean Bird B can only chirp five or seven times? The chirping has ceased. I try to clear my mind again, to meditate, to listen. I hear and feel the pulsing waves of sound coming from the appliances in my home. It is continuous. One long pulse of sound. My eyes are still closed. I wonder what note this sound is....How can I tell? If it is a sound, can it be measured by a pitch? A tone? I'm sure it can. I try and recreate the sound in my mind. Then think about what musical note it could be. It might be an A. A-natural. Or perhaps a very slightly flat A. Only slightly. I'm not sure anymore. The appliance sound has a frequency, some type of vibration. I try to match a beat to the vibration. To time it. Wait, I think I picked up some frequency from the television. (It is on by the way). I believe everything plugged up in this apartment is creating some type of sound. Can I ever be in complete silence? Even if I unplug everything here, the heater might still come on. My neighbors appliances would still be running. The general flow of electricity around my entire living space would still be alive and pulsing. Outdoor sound echoing through my walls, on the floor, into my chair. I feel my heartbeat...I feel the blood running through my veins. I wonder if my heartbeat matches the frequency of vibration I timed with the appliance sound. I wonder if my heartbeat matches the one two three four five six chirps I listened to. I wonder why I'm wondering so much when my mind is supposed to be clear. Meditate. Okay...all done now. That was a good session.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Sartre & Free Will

Free will. Now here's an interesting notion. I am not talking about releasing Will from jail on parole. I actually do not know a Will that's in jail. Well on second thought...Anyways, I'm talking about the fundamental issue of free will. The ability for one to have a choice over his or her actions and decisions. Jean-Paul Sartre, who was this French writer, said that people are free to choose; the individual cannot escape his or her capacities for free choice and the responsibilities that these capacities bring. So when I think of Sartre and his beliefs, I think of how this applies to me and the people around me. I know in the past I have made excuses for things that I have done and did my best to blame it on someone else, the weather, the universe, and even fate. This is called escaping personal responsibilty. We all have free will to do anything...ANYTHING we want. Now granted there are these little things called laws, morals, taboos, norms, etc...that regulate these potential actions. But in essence, we are these intricately advanced creatures who have the mental capacity to make our own choices. It may take a bit more effort to execute free will when opposing forces are present, but it is all about the potential and possibilty. As long as those exist, anything is possible.

Personal Space

Personal space...a concept that varies from culture to culture. I am sitting in the computer lab, sorting over my schedule and daily/weekly goals when I feel someone directly behind me. Well it was slightly to my left. She is standing over me, unintentionally but nonetheless, very close. I begin to feel rather uncomfortable. I wondered if I should make an obvious gesture to move away a bit. But then a thought sparked. Why did I get so uncomfortable? Am I really that weirded out by her this close? She seemed nice; she was minding her own business. I believe I am just so used to having my own personal space in a social setting, that anytime it is compromised, I have no choice but to feel uncomfortable. I am used to this, as well as most people. Most people including people in my culture, a Western society. The next thing I noticed was that she was foreign. Had a European accent of some kind. Could this go into consideration? Possibly. So after my thoughts, and feelings of being annoyed, I just let it go. It was an unnecesary feeling of agitation I brought upon myself. I went back to minding my own business.

the Self...Siddartha

Slowly the thinker went on his way and asked himself: What is it that you wanted to learn from teachings and teachers, and although they taught you much, what was it they could not teach you? And he thought: It was the Self, the character and nature of which I wished to learn. I wanted to rid myself of the Self, to conquer it, but I could not conquer it, I could only deceive it, could only fly from it, could only hide from it. Truly, nothing in the world has occupied my thought as much as the Self, this riddle, that I live, that I am one and am separate and different from everybody else, that I am Siddartha; and about nothing in the world do I know less than about myself, about Siddartha.

More Do...

I have to really decide what I am going to write about. Overthinking has been hindering my creative processes. Of course I have many ideas but I am not sure how to categorize them or execute them. I feel that things can be accomplished easier with a systematic approach. The limitation in this is that if I have no system, then there is no accomplishment. Therefore, I must implement a different structure. A structure-less structure. Just do it. I am just going to do. More do and less think. Let's see how this works.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Vitamin CrAzy!

Today I learned that having too much Vitamin A can lead to hip fractures as well as being Vitamin B anemic. Women are more likely to get toxic levels of Vitamin A. This is because of the amount of make up women wear. Make up that promotes anti-wrinkle formulas contain high levels of Vitamin A. So to all you women out there that go heavy on the anti-wrinkle cream, you might want to use it in moderation. Also, stay away from those extreme multi-vitamins sold in places like GNC. They sometimes contain 1000 times the amount of Vitamin A that you actually need. Just because you can get more of something, does not mean that it is all good for you. So what's the lesson learned? If you want to preserve your youth, overdosing on anti-wrinkle creams might give you a tight face and a right hip replacement.

The Creation!

Finally, after hours, weeks and months of thought....Moon Think has been created. Where to go from here? Well, I plan to drench this blog with many ideas from myself and others. This is all about thoughts. Ideas. Opinions. Beliefs. Interviews are a must. This will grow into a collection of thought with many minds morphing into one pulsing think. Moon Think.