Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Meditate


I try to meditate. Goal: To rid myself of anxiety and painful repetitive thoughts. I sit, close my eyes, clear my mind, and listen to all of the sounds that surround me. I hear the birds chirping outside my window. Birds chirping and a clear mind....One two three four five six....one two three four five six....one two three four five six...What kind of bird is this? It chirps six times in a row and then there's a silence that lasts about the length of three chirps. What does six chirps mean to this kind of bird? If Bird A chirps six times and Bird B chirps six times, are they saying the same thing? Or, if Bird A chirps six times, does that mean Bird B can only chirp five or seven times? The chirping has ceased. I try to clear my mind again, to meditate, to listen. I hear and feel the pulsing waves of sound coming from the appliances in my home. It is continuous. One long pulse of sound. My eyes are still closed. I wonder what note this sound is....How can I tell? If it is a sound, can it be measured by a pitch? A tone? I'm sure it can. I try and recreate the sound in my mind. Then think about what musical note it could be. It might be an A. A-natural. Or perhaps a very slightly flat A. Only slightly. I'm not sure anymore. The appliance sound has a frequency, some type of vibration. I try to match a beat to the vibration. To time it. Wait, I think I picked up some frequency from the television. (It is on by the way). I believe everything plugged up in this apartment is creating some type of sound. Can I ever be in complete silence? Even if I unplug everything here, the heater might still come on. My neighbors appliances would still be running. The general flow of electricity around my entire living space would still be alive and pulsing. Outdoor sound echoing through my walls, on the floor, into my chair. I feel my heartbeat...I feel the blood running through my veins. I wonder if my heartbeat matches the frequency of vibration I timed with the appliance sound. I wonder if my heartbeat matches the one two three four five six chirps I listened to. I wonder why I'm wondering so much when my mind is supposed to be clear. Meditate. Okay...all done now. That was a good session.

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